I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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