rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
false alarm, still single
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
