i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
