Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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