your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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