three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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