smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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