it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
is that a dick in a sweater?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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