I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
