go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
