what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
