This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
