Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
