im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
