I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
