Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
