My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
