im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
