It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
