either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
