we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
