I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
