i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
