I'm going to jail i love you
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
