I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
