i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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