I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
