how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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