if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Michael Bay diarrhea
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
