I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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