She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
