He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So. Much. Porn.
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