I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
True strength comes from lack of pants
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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