so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
