You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
