this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
