I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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