Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
