remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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