last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
