Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
