is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
