I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
