the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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