Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
