Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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