Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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