Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
