she looked like the before picture.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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