I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
