what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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