I wanna bring you to show and tell
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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