I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
