he wants to bone in the snuggie
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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