Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
