Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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