can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
worst night to have a conscience
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
